September 24, 2019
Those of you who live locally in my neighborhood may have seen me that day. It was the day of the big afternoon thunder, lightning and rain storm a few weeks ago. I was going out for my regular run, however, I was not feeling regular at all. I was very upset about some recent events and I was feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
Walking/running always makes me feel better. It doesn’t usually solve my problems or take away my troubles, however, it gets out the pent up energy building inside of me threatening to create a mini storm of its own.
So I went out for my run. The problem was that my mood wasn’t the only thing threatening. Storm clouds were brewing. But my mood was seriously worse, so I ventured on anyways. As I ran I called my father and vented some of my frustration. My father is a great sounding board and a wise mentor and advisor. As I poured out my woes, the rain started coming down.
At first it was a drizzle and then it became large drops pelting my back and face. I kept running. It was almost like I needed to reach a specific destination unknown to me. As the rain came pouring down I decided to end my call and focus on running. I decided to pick up the pace as it began to thunder, and lightning streaked across the sky.
And that’s when I was struck. No, thank G-d not with lightning, however, with enlightenment. All of my anger and frustration came gushing out of me and I began to cry. I cried for those in pain, I cried for those suffering and I cried for my own helplessness and inability to make it better.
As the rain poured down over my entire body and I was soaked through and through, the tears poured along with it. I was full blown running at this point as the wind was pushing me on, all the while crying with great sobs. And that is when I felt my other Father. Yes, my Father in Heaven, who sees all the suffering and all the pain. He not only listens to make me feel better, but He can truly make it better. He can heal all wounds, end all suffering and mend any relationship. His strong hand is never too short or weakened.
As I cried out my pain and allowed the rain to wash over me, I stopped running and allowed myself to be in the moment with the rain, the pain and my Father. I felt His presence so clear as the rain in front of me, holding my hand, and pushing me on through the pain to a brighter place with dry, warm sunshine. As I neared our house, (I was running for about 1.5 miles in the pouring rain at this point) I felt as if I had been dunked in the water, almost like immersing in a Mikvah and coming out feeling pure and clean. Clean of worry and despair with a new sense of hope for the future.
I can’t really explain it any other way. However, the message wasn’t lost on me, especially this time of year.
As we approach the Yomim Noraim, the day of Judgement, and we come before Hashem feeling overwhelmed and helpless, allow those tears to pour. Give our troubles up to Hashem for His guidance and assistance as only He can make it all better.
On Rosh Hashanah, we blow the shofar to remind us of the sound of a cry. Because we daven as much as we can for all of the things we are grateful for and want to continue, and for all of the things we need and want to change, and for forgiveness for all of our sins and poor choices. And then when we have said all the words we can say, we are just left with the outpouring of our emotions in the loud striking sound of a cry. The shofar is a reminder of that cry. Hashem is listening to our tefillos, He is listening to our cries and He wants to hear from us this Rosh Hashana, as He does everyday.
My run in the rainstorm, brought calm to the storm in my mind, my heart and my soul. The destination I was seeking is no longer a mystery. I was reaching out to find Hashem. I was yearning for His strength and loving hand. I am so glad that I reached my destination on that stormy day. I continue to journey on with this new found strength as a reminder of Hashem’s love and care for me.
My wish for each of you is to reach out to your Father in Heaven and find that calm in your own lives. Wishing everyone a happy and healthy year filled with calm, nachas and success for you and all of your families.