When we moved to town nearly 20 years ago, we unpacked and set up our entire house in less than two weeks. When we had one of our first guests over, they commented how it looked like we had been living there for years already!
There is something about setting up shop and having everything organized that makes me feel better! I think it’s actually a control thing, but that is another topic for another time;)
This technique really follows me everywhere I go. When we used to go to the Catskills in New York for 3-4 week vacations in the summer, we would arrive at our bungalow Mincha time after a 9-10 hour drive and I would stay up until around 1-2 AM getting everything organized so that when the kids would wake up in the morning, everything was ready and waiting for them. This system worked well for me because I had the quiet time to find a place for each item, and it ensured a smoother and more fun first day in the colony!
But this also followed me home. When we would return from any trip, I wanted to get everything back to normal right away, down to taking the now emptied suitcases back down to the basement! It was as if we never left.
About five weeks ago, we took a four day getaway to northern Michigan with our two youngest children. I know, you’re probably thinking, wait wasn’t it the second to last week of school?! What were you thinking?
Well that was just the problem. We were fried, completely tapped out. That is, my husband and I were. It has been a very long year with lots of stress and tumult and sorrow. A group of wonderful people in our community got together and sent us away on a vacation to regroup, now, not in two weeks or two months, but now. We so needed it, and are so appreciative to each one of them.
So off we went. On this trip we went to the beach, which was super quiet, since everyone else was still in school and working! As I walked along the beach with our son looking for cool stones to add to our fishless fish tank filled with stones from every Great Lake we ever went to, he asked me how the stones got sooo smooth! I simply said, well the water rushes over them hundreds of thousands of times a day and slowly over many years, the water smooths out all of the rough spots.
As I explained this phenomenon to our son, I turned to him and said, you know, stones are a lot like people! He gave me a funny look. Why? he asked. Well, I said, because we start out kind of rough around the edges and sometimes even with sharp and jagged ridges and corners. But an amazing thing happens! Over time we iron out our sharp edges and become smooth! As he pondered that one, I asked him, how do you think that happens? He said, I don’t know. So I answered my own question.
When we work on ourselves and our innate characteristics, we work to become better people. More sensitive and caring people. Nicer and kinder people. People who are genuinely happy for others and content with our own lot. People who are patient and understanding of those who are different from ourselves.
You may think it is impossible, but really if you look at the smooth stone and compare it to a similar one with sharp edges, you will know that it can be done. But, it takes time and persistence. It takes tremendous effort on our part and perseverance. But it can and is often done.
He is eight, so I left it at that.
When we came home, Erev Shabbos, from our trip, I was determined, as usual, to get the house back to its status quo, just as if we never left.
But then I stopped in my tracks.
Do I really want to go back to the way we were before our trip? All stressed out and anxious? Uh, no, in a word.
I realized that I may want the house to get back to normal, because I don’t like the mess and the clutter, especially on Shabbos. But I don’t want myself to go back to that crazy normal. I want to take with me all of the relaxation and calmness of our trip and bring it into my everyday life going forward, so that I can stay calmer and less stressed going forward.
Like the stone on the beach, this vacation had smoothed out some of our rough edges of the tension of the last few months. But I want it to stay. I want it to continue to get smoother.
So I turned to my husband and said, we need to think about how we can take the beauty of this mini vacation into our everyday life and let it continue to carry us through until our next getaway, which will hopefully be soon!
Getting back to the status quo definitely has its time and place. But there is also a time and place to reevaluate that status quo. Challenge that status quo, take stock, make some necessary changes, and move forward stronger and better than before, with a new status quo.
On one of our meanderings on the beach, our son exclaimed, look I found a stone that looks like a heart! And it really did! We proceeded to find a few more similar shaped stones of different colors! We added them to our collection. When we returned home, I promptly added them to our fishless fish tank laid out on top of a larger smooth stone in order to remind me of this special trip.
As we are now in the midst of the summer months, I hope that everyone is able to find a time and a way to rejuvenate, in whatever form that looks like that is best for you. And most importantly, I hope that it will smooth out some of the roughness of the last year and shine forth the beauty of our growth and strength looking out onto the horizon of the coming year with hope and happiness.